It should be no surprise to anyone when I say we have an “ANGER” problem here is the United States. Yes, it is a world-wide phenomenon. There is significant conflict in every area of our society.
Not only is there actual shooting conflict among countries, international military and economic threats are widespread. There is conflict and corruption in our country almost everywhere…in government at every level, the medical field, in finance, in education, in the military, in business and in area of spiritual and religious institutions.
I’m not interested in hand wringing or finger-pointing. Lord knows, politicians and media do a masterful job of that. This brief article focuses on helping listeners individually eliminate the problems and consequences of all this anger, frustration and blame.
I’ll give a single, powerful example of the solutions. A few minutes reading this article will give us the solution. If we can take this lesson to heart, and get out of the “I’m right” box that traps so many of us, our family life, work life, religious/spiritual life, and social life will rapidly and dramatically change for the better.
This story was included in Dr. Stephen Covey’s The Eighth Habit. I’ll summarize it here, and recommend the book to everyone.
While Dr. Covey was at a seminar, he received a call from a long-time employee, telling Covey he was quitting. This employee and his supervisor were locked in conflict that proved unsolvable and enraging to this employee. As both the employee and supervisor were valued employees and truly outstanding people, Covey asked if this employee and his wife would come to his house for dinner to visit about the problems. Covey promised not to make any attempt to change his employee’s mind about leaving.
The employee and his wife had a nice dinner with the Covey’s, then retired to Covey’s study to discuss the grievances. The employee vented for a long time while Covey listened. After expressing his sadness at the employee’s decision, Dr. Covey asked one favor…that he meet one last time with his supervisor to sincerely apologize and ask for forgiveness for his part in the ongoing rift between the two men.
The employee was upset and couldn’t see why he should apologize, but Dr. Covey gently suggested that seldom was one party totally at fault for any disagreement. Out of respect for Covey the employee agreed to Covey’s request.
On the following day this man met with his now former supervisor. There was incredible tension between them, but true to his promise, the employee apologized with real sincerity for his part in the conflict and asked for his supervisor’s forgiveness.
Stunned, the supervisor, with tears in his eyes, took his associate’s hand, and profusely apologized for his faults in their ongoing disagreement. Both men admitted their shortcomings in the deterioration of their relationship.
In a moment the conflict with forgotten. Each man felt heard and respected. The employee didn’t terminate and both men enjoyed a renewed respect and working relationship. Covey’s wisdom, suggesting a simple act of kindness between the men, changed the trajectory of the lives of these two people, and undoubtedly their families, and Covey’s company, over the course of many years.
Most people who hear this story are surprised, but it isn’t because the reaction of the two men that seems so rare and unusual. No, people react with surprise only because most people can’t bring themselves to admit their faults and immature behaviors at the center of so many conflicts large and small. The Biblical statement, “We so easily see the splinter in our neighbor’s eye, yet can’t see the log in our own.
As I mentioned earlier, acting with kindness and respect toward others almost always opens the door for better communication and a better relationship. Even if a person is so injured and craven that they can’t change, we will be immeasurably benefited by our kindness toward others.
Thanks for listening.
Recent Comments