We embark upon a new year – 2015 – and enthusiasm for “making it a great year” runs high. Many of us have written a nice list of resolutions for our self-improvement. By the end of March we suspect 99.99% of all of these great ideas for the year have been long forgotten. Some we actually took seriously for a week or so. Most were discarded without additional thought.
Since in the past I have been as unsuccessful as anyone else in following through on my own resolutions, I look now at this resolution-making process from a coaching perspective. What follows are some thoughts designed to allow your effort at New Year’s goal-setting to bear more fruit.
World famous psychiatrist Dr. David Hawkins hypothesized that the average person generally grows in personal development about 5% during their lifetime. That seems to present strong evidence as to why so many of us fail in our follow-through with our resolutions and goals. It is a great understatement to claim that “change is hard”. Many if not most of us see little reason to change, since in our own great wisdom we recognize the great failings of so many others around us. We can’t seem to grasp so clearly our own failings.
For the sake of this article, let us assume we do recognize in ourselves a failing or two. Further, let us assume we strongly suspect we would be happier if we would eliminate or at least minimize these deficiencies in personality or character. We now can apply several principles of change management that actually have proven successful in bringing about positive change in behavior.
First and foremost, to attain a goal, it must be something that we truly are committed to and really want to accomplish. If it something we feel we should do, or something that would be helpful, or something we are doing because someone else wants it, the chances are very small that any substantial change will be made.
Many habits are behaviors that formed very early in life in response to the inevitable societal “programming” we all go through as infants, toddlers and pre-schoolers. That programming goes unconscious and going forward, our responses to life’s situations are filtered and conditioned. Most often these responses serve us poorly as we mature. We know we are reacting, but we honestly don’t know why. Unless we “wake up” to our own irrationality, our responses become more unproductive as time goes on.
Since understanding human behavior (in ourselves and others) is one of the most important skills we can develop, we must begin at some point examining pretty seriously our own reactions and behaviors. We would be wise to being developing some solid principles for living that inform us in creating successful and productive attitudes, reactions and behaviors.
We begin by looking closely at whom we intend to be and how we intend to be. We examine people around us leading successful lives and we establish role models. We might seek out exceptional people who are willing to mentor us.
For real change to take place we must closely examine where we are having less success than we’d like, and begin asking others for feedback as to why this might be so. Our focus must be on why others are experiencing the accomplishment and success we’d like to experience, but aren’t. Self-honesty requires a comprehensive moral and personal inventory that we update regularly.
We must seek to develop the knowledge, the skills, the experience, the resources and determination to make us into that person we intend to be. As we stick with it we’ll get better at recognizing our own “stuff” and be in a better place to work at living our life in a way that matches our intent.
More than anything else, for success to visit us as we want, we must be willing to surrender to whatever power we believe stands ready to support us, and let go of all preconceived notions about how all of this will turn out. The old saying, “Make plans and watch God laugh.” applies.
We are certain this discussion demands a committed community of support for any one of us to make real progress. Here is where life coaching is a God-send. Without this and unwavering determination, NewYear’s resolutions remain as meaningless as ever.
Blessings,
Tom
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