A blog is by nature designed to encourage discussion, so I hope I might spark some responses from those of you who have interest and experience with the topic.
In the last year I have spent a great deal of time creating training materials that explore this subject of critical importance to us all. I’d like to share why I titled my work “self-awareness” as opposed to “emotional intelligence”.
Daniel Goleman, Ph.D. is the well-known author of several books on emotional intelligence, which he breaks down into five categories: Self-awareness, Self-regulation, Motivation, Empathy and Social competence. He acknowledges that there are numerous valid definitions of emotional intelligence, but I think he has solid reasons for his categorization.
I choose to focus on self-awareness as a broad pillar of emotional intelligence. Indeed, anyone I know, or know of, that I consider having developed deep self-awareness also seems to display competence with self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills.
Being self-aware suggests that we are aware of our behaviors, cognitive abilities, thought processes, beliefs, perceptions, expectations, assumptions, our values and about our deep core identity.
Many of our most strongly held beliefs, perceptions, etc. were “installed” in us as very young children (often even in utero) and as such are beyond our conscious awareness. As infants and toddlers we took in huge amounts of “programming” by what we saw, heard, smelled and felt (emotionally). Much of this dove into our unconscious, and there it sits today.
When we talk about someone being highly self-aware we mean they understand there is an emotional aspect to almost every belief and perception at their conscious level. They have dismantled many of their emotionally triggered reactions and generally show a great deal of balance in their attitudes and behaviors. They often have navigated through many of their unhelpful behaviors, thoughts and emotions.
If we have significant emotional wounds lurking in our unconscious, ready to trigger unpredictably, how can we display a strong self-regulatory ability? If we are not clear regarding our beliefs, perceptions, values or expectations, how effectively can we motivate or be self-motivated? If our boundaries are deficient, how does that affect our social competence or work effectiveness?
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